The Sound of His Heart Beating.

Today I turned the corner to our street and there were ambulances and cop cars and cones all over the place.

Lights flashing. Sirens wailing. People crying.

Obviously, whatever had happened was pretty bad. 

In one solid beat my heart jumped itself all the way up to my throat and as I crawled along in the line of detour-bound cars waiting to pass the fire truck blocking the view of the accident, I prayed. Out loud. 

"Please don't be Levi's truck. Please don't be Levi's truck."

...

It wasn't, and even though I rushed home just to make sure, his truck was still parked safely in the driveway and he was inside, healthy as ever. As much as I hate reminders like that, of how much I love this man, I sure do like making sure I'm not taking the sound of his heart beating, for granted.

We promised each other we'd die at the exact same time.

[We may be a little morbid...but it sure does make us feel better.]

I decided that January no longer counts. First months of the year are just no good. I'm too caught up and busy trying to decide what to do with the year to start the year. So from now on, my "years" go from February to...March? [There seems to be a glitch in this plan.] Anyway. If anyone asks, for Levi and I, the year starts now. With this. Picture number one. One of Three Hundred and Sixty Five.

These are the kinds of problems we face on an every day basis. It's a hard knock life.

 

Look at him. All thrown off. Contemplating whether or not to put a cookie in that little empty middle space. Why? Because there are raised words ["WearEver 11 x 17" - to be exact] in that space. What if little bits of cookie get stuck in there and make it harder for me to clean? I tell ya.

I'm not feeling too hot today. My stomach is all sickish and my head is all fuzzy. The boi started at about 5:00 AM asking if I needed anything. He made a sweet offer to run to the store and as much as I love to take advantage of offers like that, I still haven't been able to think of a single keep-down-able thing. So, I instead  took up his second offer and we cuddled up and watched some world news. Because we're nerds and we like things like that and because somehow it seems to make everything better to be hidden deep in the boi's hold. It's The Everything Cure. How lucky that I live with it! I'm grateful for that today. For him. I don't think I've ever met a sweeter human being so willing to go the extra mile to think outside himself. Somehow he always seems to find a way and a reason to put me first. Even on cranky sick days [and trust me, you don't know a cranky sick day until you've seen me have one]. I love that man with all my heart. [Mush alert. Get over it. It's one of those days.]

Tip of the Day: Find a man who won't even put a cookie in the middle of the cookie sheet because he can't stop thinking of ways to make your life perfect. It is totally worth it.

Just another day in paradise!

I almost labeled this post "TGIF" but then I realized that I'm not sure why. I feel like that should be used when the week's been a rough one, this one just wasn't! Yesterday the boi was doing [who knows what] and it was making me smile - big. He looked over and said, "Aw, that's my face. Your cheeks are all high. I haven't seen that face for a while. I must not be doing my job." The boi first mentioned "the face" in Seattle. Apparently when it comes out it means pure joy and he loves it. I [naturally] looked in the mirror to see what he was talking about. Smeared eye make up, blotchy cheeks, and under-eye circles that could give Yzma a run for her money. Huh. I'm not sure I'll ever know what he's talking about.

Anyways the point to telling you that [Yep - the girl actually has a point this time!] was to further clarify just how good this week really was! Which makes this a perfect day for a good ol' fashion game of...

Good, Better and Best!

Good: Eating healthy.
Better: The discovery of yogurt + granola. Healthy AND yummy. Say whaaaaa!
Best: Getting to eat that yummy healthiness while listening to the boi sleep right below me.

Good: Date night with the boi.
Better: FREE date night with the boi!
Best: Having that date night bring to pass such splendid results - like easy dinners. NOT a bad dealio!

Good: Picking up a couple extra hours at work.
Better: Having the kids be in such amazing moods for those few extra hours.
Best: Getting to come home to a boi who missed me just a little extra because of it!

Good: Getting lots of talk time with the boi.
Better: Talking about plans for our home and finally making a final decision on our bedroom!
Best: Those plans being PERFECT and exactly what both of us want.

Good: A clean house.
Better: Only actually having to really clean the kitchen twice because we kept our dishes rinsed [Ten points for no rotting-in-the-sink smell!].
Best: Having the boi be on a cleaning streak so I didn't even have to worry about the rest of the house.

Good: Weather's warming up.
Better: Weather warming up to almost run-in-able temperatures!
Best: Boi being excited because warmer temps means he gets to ride his bike next to me while I do said running!

Good: Weather still chilly enough to start every day with hot chocolate.
Better: The discovery of the best hot chocolate ever invented - NESTLE. Try it. With milk. Uh-Mazing.
Best: Not feeling guilty about said hot chocolate because of the yogurt and granola factor. Hey. We all gotta justify in our own personal ways.

Good: We're still in love.
Better: We grew closer this week.
Best: Growing closer means falling a little harder in love. The best of the best is knowing it ain't ever gonna stop.

You know that level of tired where you're eyes start to cross just from trying so hard to focus, and even if you're mind is going a mile a minute...you can't see straight enough for any of it to come out in complete thoughts? That's me right now. [Which means the red squiggly lines are blending in with the black text and just making everything look a weird shade of pink so if there's a ridiculous amount of typos in this entry...that's because a cyclops is typing it.]

Oh, before I go we tried the Pasta Florentine from Dinner A'Fare yesterday! It looked super classy and it was yummy for sure.

[PS: Don't mind our Christmas hot pads and don't ever try to say we're not festive.]

Korean Beef Lettuce Wraps tonight [when we wake up]! Hope they're as good as they sound. For breakfast. Whatev.

Tip of the day: If your uncooked bacon is starting to magically brown on the edges just by sitting in the fridge...probably don't eat it.

Love me a man in an apron.

We did something fun last night! 

It involved food, and us, and lots and lots of freezer bags. Guesses?

...

...

...

...

Drum Roll Please

...

  Dinner A'Fare! Ever heard of it? It's this fetching adorable place where you go and make your own pre-packed, ready to cook, freezer meals. We made Blackened Chicken Tacos with Chipotle Ranch, Fiesta Chicken Chowder, Korean Beef Lettuce Wraps, Provencal Chicken with Navy Beans, Pasta Florentine, and Casablanca Sunset Chicken with Cashew Chutney. We pretty much LOVED the concept of the place and decided it was a do-again-someday for sure. So family oriented. Love when things like that make it. Anyways we switched off between bag-holding and ingredient-measuring and I was reminded again of how amazingly lucky I am. Between his double checking of the measurements, his constant wiping off of the bags, and his complete lack of embarrassment to pick up the camera and take ridiculous amounts of pictures of ourselves in front of all the judgy onlookers, [Me: "Do you think everyone thinks we're terribly narcissistic?" Him: "Well yeah. We are." Lovely, honey. You rock for that.] and the way he got all excited every time we finished a recipe like we had just climbed Mt. Everest or something. He makes life more fun.

 

I probably should have tried to remember that as I was waking up this morning. This girl was, I know, hard to believe, but I was GRUMPY. I mean really grumpy. I mean Levi comes down and tries to throw a dance party on the bed to wake me up and I completely ignore him grumpy. Somehow, he pushed past it and still walked me out to the truck. He even responded with a completely heart felt I love you too, when I said, "I love you, I guess." Then he watched me drive away and of course by the time I had reached the end of the neighborhood I was wishing I had been a little friendlier. Thank goodness for [almost] husbands that don't take morning grump-pots personally.

Today as I was reading the little girl I watch a book, she grabbed her blanket and her George and cuddled her little head into my chest. She just laid there for a couple solid minutes. It just wasn't a bad day. I'm about to go do the same thing to the boi who is sleeping currently, and when we wake up I don't think I'll let him actually get up for a long, long time.

Tip of the Day: Nature Valley Granola bars crunched up in yogurt? It's the new bomb diggity. That is all.

This post made possible by Levi's Dad. Thanks for the awesome Christmas present!

What's the capitol of...!

Have you ever played the capitol game?
Wait, no. Better question.
When was the last time you played the capitol game?
[Because I'm pretty sure in order to pass fifth grade you have to. And if you didn't pass fifth grade, then I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be reading this anyway.]
For me?
Last night.
Pretty much all night.
With the boi and friend Whitson. [We're an exciting bunch, we are.]
I do believe that if we were to all three take a geography test right now, grading would go as follows:
Whitson - A
Levi - A
Amalie - F+

[And yes, I only gave myself a + sign for the sake of my girlishly tender self confidence levels.]
I knew Arizona. Oh, and Nebraska. [I was born there.] My guess for North Dakota? New Guinea. Apparently I was a few miles off. [Although I think I deserve three solid fist pumps for spelling that right on try number one!] Needless to say, all the embarrassment of junior high geography class came reeling back full speed and made themselves manifest on my suddenly not-so-pale cheeks. I won't be trying that again, anytime soon.

It made me think three things:
1. Thank heavens I will forever more have Levi with me on road trips. Not knowing the [stupid] states [stupid] capitol cities is just a small representation of how thoroughly above average my capability to get lost, really is.
2. I sure am glad that our future children will have their dad to turn to for help on geography homework. I can just see it now, "Mommy, I can't find Virginia on the map." "Okay honey, let me see..." After studying the map for a while... "Virginia, Virginia...did she tell you which continent?"
3. It's about time this girl got her butt back in school.

I rushed home from work today to head off with Levi on a little date night his dad set up for us as a Christmas gift. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. After we got home we decided [for who knows what reason] to watch the Suns game. Depressing much? Then we had some dinner and made some cookies and talked about celery salt. Normally this would only be the start of the night's excitement but this girl is running on [one and a half] hours of sleep and boi says that's just not healthy. And really, I think probably he's right. [IthinkI'mkindastartingtoslur.] G'night y'all.

One of those nights.

Had one of those nights last nights! You know. One of those. The kind you dream about having when you're a little kid.

You come home to the boi. He's dead asleep so you lay down and catch up on some of your own zzz's until he wakes up.
After waking up the boi comes in to hang out with you while you finish some of the sewing on some curtains you're making for the loft.
Then the boi and you go out to investigate the CHECK ENGINE light on his favorite truck.
You fill every single fluid that you possibly can on said truck then [just for kicks and giggles] decide to top off truck number two while you're out there [because freezing your you-know-what off is immensely less important than street safety].
After cleaning all the black mystery stains off everything that car-work always seems to create, the boi goes back upstairs to work and you proceed to work on things around the house in desperate need of, well, just that. Working on.

Sounds like a dream, right?

Okay, I guess maybe it was mostly the in between stuff that made it one of those nights. Like the way he explained every step of fixing the truck to you as he went. Because he cares. And because he knows I'll listen. And because it's hot. [But then, this is the boi we're talking about.] It also could have been the [at least] fifteen minute long tickle fights he started in between every step of the night, slowing every process down to [possibly less than] a snails pace. Completely worth it. [Don't tell him I said that. He may or may not take advantage of things like that.] It also could be the parts where he stopped to just to stare at the curtains and tell me over and over that he loved them, or maybe the part where he grabbed my hands and said romantic things like "You have got to have the hottest hands of anyone I have ever met" and other such things that aren't quite fit for the public ear. Eye. Whatever. You know.

Really it could have been any number of things that made last night one of those nights... but what it boils down to is that I went to bed with a smile on my face. And not just any smile. A big, cheesy smile. A rub-it-in kind of smile. A carry-over-into-the-next-morning kind of smile. The kind of smile he just can't seem to let me lose. Since day number one, actually.

I can prove it.

Have I told you lately that I love that boi?
[And not just for still falling in love with me even when I let my roots show for a year before re-coloring.]

I worked for a really long time today. Those little kids are adorable but they sure do know how to wear me out! The boi and I are about to head off to the grocery store where I will be searching for a snap-my-fingers-and-be-ready kind of a meal. But one that doesn't quite taste like a snap-my-fingers-and-be-ready kind of a meal. Any suggestions? Also our friend Whit is coming over tonight and we're rather excited for that. Boi cleaned pretty much the entire house this morning while I was away. Yes, he's Superman. Thanks for noticing. Anyways. Social interaction will be good. We've been just a [tiny bit] slacking on umm, well, getting out lately. Er, for the last nine months. Working on it.

Off to food.

Tip of the day: When boi is on The Flop, and you come home when it's dark, and you're trying to figure out if he's still in bed or not because you don't want to wake him, so you're wandering around the hard, tile floor aimlessly holding your phone light in front of you like it's the Light of Earendil...

Take your heels off, first.

Worth more than a pretty, red, race car.

It's been cold here in Arizona. Not like, really cold. Compared to the ridiculous temperatures that the Eastern United States is having right now, I guess it hasn't like been cold at all really. However. For us Arizoners, it sure does feel cold!

Usually, while temperatures such as these are present, we [Levi and I, of course] try to stay inside as much as possible. Bundled up and huddled together next to the space heater, to be exact. We don't make it outside much. When we do, we try to assume that Arizona will live up to it's reputation of warmer temps [or that the truck's heater will be instantly ready for us] and we usually just throw on [maybe] a long sleeve shirt. We hurry from the truck to [where ever it is we're going], then back to the truck, then back into the warm house and usually, we survive it. But then usually, we don't have family visiting from fifteen hundred miles away.

The other night, as we stopped to pick up some [warm] pizza from Oregano's, we got a call from Levi's brother [in-law] who had been in town that week from Seattle. He was down the street wondering where another family member lived because he had something to give them before he headed home. However, they lived rather far away and since we see them every Sunday anyway, we went ahead and offered to meet him in the Oregano's parking lot, pick up the [thing] and give it to the family member in wait, that coming Sunday - tomorrow.

Anyways, we ended up doing just that. We met Wendel in the parking lot. It was late, but we couldn't help but take advantage of getting to see him! So we got out of the truck to visit. And visit. And visit. And keep visiting. As I said, Wendel is from Washington. It's cold there anyway and he's rather warm blooded so as we talked he stood calmly leaning against his van talking and laughing and enjoying the "warm" weather. He stood there goosebumpless while Levi pulled me in close and jumped up and down...and up...and down....over and over and over. He literally held onto me from the minute we got out of the truck, until the minute we told Wendel good bye. Oh yeah, I'm sure he was cold too, but I got the feeling partway through that mostly he was holding onto me, for me. I hadn't asked him to, he just did it. He knows I'm little. He knows I'm a wuss. He knows I'm a girl. He knew that because of all that, wrapping around me for the [entire duration] of standing out in that bitter cold would be the PERFECT BOYFRIEND thing to do. Even when the four protein-powder-pumped boys walked by limping their way to their pretty red race cars [there were three, between the four of em]. He didn't let go to look "cool". He didn't seem to have anything to prove other than that he was the one who forever more get's to warm the little girl in his arms. He made that seem like the cool thing. I swear the boi takes better care of me than those four guys took care of their cars. And trust me?  

That is most definitely, saying something.

 

Now I've never owned a pretty red race car, so really I'm going off of assumptions mostly, but I can tell you that walking down the street with someone who makes you shine like the prettiest thing around, and shows you off like you're the one everyone else should want, makes a life feel pretty freakin' worth it.

Could there be a more perfect reaction?

It's been a lovely weekend! Filled with star-gazing in grassy fields, pointless meanderings through city streets at night, getting lost in snowy mountainsides, and trips to the moon just for an out-of-this-world kiss.

Or maybe we just stayed home and enjoyed each others company, but really it's almost as good [or better!]. Because this weekend was so lovely and was [in all actuality] filled with "I love you's" and "You're beautiful's" I'm not sure why last night I was all the sudden feeling maybe a little bit...hmmm. Needy? I know, I know, shocking indeed, but hey, everybody needs some good ol' fashioned attention every now and again. Anyways I had just gotten ready for bed and was pretty excited for my last night of getting to sleep next to [the most attractive man on the face of this planet] Levi Chell. So I wandered upstairs and found him on his computer setting his Fantasy Team [an attention-requiring feat for sure]. Finding him so consumed by something so vitally important, I quietly put my mature independent side to work and backed out of the room leaving him to finish up his evening in peace. The end.

Wait...FALSE.

Rewind back to the part where I found him setting his team, but this time, insert a couple tiny, quiet little mumbling greetings. "Hey babe..." "Whatcha doin' sweetie..." "How's you're team lookin' lover..." Then follow that up with a [not so quiet and possibly a little squeaky]:


"HONEYYYY!!!"

A rather shocked, and utterly oblivious looking Levi [finally] turns his head slowly in my direction. No words were needed at this point, his face said, "Yes, dear?" quite well enough for me. Unfortunately, the overwhelming response of suddenly having the boi's full and undivided attention on me was just a little too much and it was suddenly quite clear to both parties in the room that I didn't have a single reason for actually getting that attention. Only I couldn't bring myself to admit that to loud, so out came the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm cold."

Afraid of being maybe a little bit in trouble, and worried that I may have kind of thrown off his fantasy groove, and with the [would-be quite understandable] possible silent rejection hanging in the air, I shyly stared at the floor, timidly awaiting whatever completely deserved "go-away" I was about to receive.

Instead, however, he started laughing.

"Could you maybe also be just a little bit needy?" he asked with a smile on his face. To escape the humiliation of the corners of my lips creeping up any further I decided it was time for a good, solid, pathetic sob, to which Levi responded by jumping up and wrapping warmly around me, "Aw, baby, it's okay!" Then, here's the kicker.

"Come sit on my lap and help me set basketball for this week."

I'm pretty sure that settles it.

In case there was a single question left in anybody's mind, it is now official. Levi Roberts is indeed, THE perfect boyfriend. I really don't think there's a single reaction that would have made this girl feel any luckier. I, now fearless, proceeded to "help" as best I could with computer-screen-blocking kisses and too-much-information fun facts about his players and their teams. I'm sure it took five times longer than it would have had I taken the "mature" road and let him do his thing, but the thing is?

I'm just fairly certain he appreciated it. 

Cheers to the three day weekend, the boi is sick and I had to get up early to go with Katie and the kids to see the doctor. I'm glad I did cause three days is just too long to not see those little cuties. The rest of the day will be spent hoping the suns win, possibly painting curtain rods / hanging up curtains, and being [fairly] lazy. Also his sister and her family is in town and we're hoping to see them today or tomorrow! A perfect excuse for an orange chicken night. Happy MLK day! Let's all thank goodness that this plan didn't work out. Go celebrate your freedom.

The extra mile.

Early this morning [aka, late last night] I was cleaning up the kitchen and we had a ridiculous amount of recycling to take out to the bin. I loaded up two armfuls, balanced a can or two or seven on my head, used me feet to kick a couple more and was about to head out when I realized I didn't have a single extra limb to get the door with. I asked Levi with the sweetest "honey-do" look I could muster [while continuing to balance the mismatched assortment of aluminum and plastic] if he could open it for me. After seeing the balancing act, he was more than willing [or perhaps just afraid of the horrendous noise I might create from losing balance trying to do if myself if he said no, but either way] as I got closer he swung the door wide. I teetered through and started to edge an elbow towards the light switch, but was [not unusually] pleasantly surprised, Levi wasn't just willing to grab the door. He opened the door, then he held it open while I walked through, then got the light behind me, then he closed the door behind HIM, watched me walk over to the bin, waited for me to walk back and then got the door for me to go BACK through, then he switched off the light behind both of us.

Really the boy does so much more than he needs to. I can now tell you from experience, when someone is doing that much for you? When someone is taking their time, and their energy to go that extra mile? Even in tiny little ways like waiting for me, with me, out in the garage, even little acts of appreciation like that. When someone's doing things for you that they don't have to, it sure does make you want to spend that much more time on them. My dad told me once how you gain love for someone by doing things for them, not by the things they do for you. He also told me once about a family counselor he knew saying never to keep score, but to never let the other person in the relationship, out-serve you.

It's true. I have no idea how many extra miles Levi has run for me as opposed to how many I've run for him, but I'm pretty sure with the way he's racking up his numbers that I'm way behind. I can pretty much guarantee you that ten years from now I'll still be trying to catch up, because honestly, who thinks to wait out in the garage with someone when all they asked you to do is get the door? I'm the luckiest girl in the world because Levi makes such an effort to put me so high up in his mind.

When you're way up there like that? It's pretty hard not to slip down a little farther into love on an extremely regular basis.

We made it over to Levi's dad's tonight just in time for some amazing traditional dinner. Roast and potatoes. YUM. And, somehow the other night when we went out for some groceries we ended up getting...[drumroll please...] a TV! A really big. Really new. Really nice TV and as soon as he gets done with finishing up a little work we're off to test it out with some Gabriel Iglesias. Kind of a beautiful way to finish off a weekend. Kind of a beautiful way to start a new week. Kind of a beautiful excuse to cuddle up with the boy. Kind of a beautiful life!

Sleep deprived optimism.

I don't mind when Levi's on the flop. [Definition. THE FLOP: N. The exact opposite of any seemingly normal human beings sleep schedule.]

In fact, I quite like it sometimes. Not that I don't crazy miss sleeping next to hm, and not that I don't crazy love hearing him breathing if I wake up in the middle of the night and not that I don't totally dread going to bed if he's still awake cause I'd rather be hanging out with him...but still. There are definitely things about the flop, that I could get seriously used to. When he's on the flop, the boy can't help but walk me out to the truck as I leave for work. This morning, for example, he forgot his shoes upstairs and just had his socks on. I told him not to worry about it, that I was a big girl and could walk out to the truck all by myself. He hesitantly agreed... so I kissed him and hugged him and set off into the cold. It lasted about ten steps. Then I heard the door re-open behind me and out he follows, no jacket, no shoes, rushing to catch up to me. He had to have been freezing but he just couldn't help getting my door and waving me off. I love that. He was even having a super busy morning and something on his computer was giving him trouble. It means a lot to me that he still takes the time to walk me out, even when things are going on. The day always seems just that much less daunting when I have that physical representation that I'm not facing it alone. [Not that I'm like, you know, Nikita. But still. The world in general is really a pretty daunting place.] I think it's the same for him too, because of the next thing I love about the flop. Levi's not a real needy person usually, but when he's tired? He get's just a little needier. It results in cute texts like this one [ten minutes after I drove away].

"So I like really  miss u already. I wish I had that morning to do over cuz I didn't spend enough time with u to hold me over till u get home :("

There's other things too, like getting to spend as much time as I want with him in the evenings, getting to have my morning cereal as loud as I want to, getting to go upstairs and get a dose of comfort from him if I wake up scared. [I know, I'm 21 and am still occasionally afraid of the dark. Don't be judgy. It's not pathetic it's just...me.] 

He's told me before that when I moved in that was probably his main concern, finding out how I'd work with his schedule and I think that was one of the very first questions ninety percent of his family asked me, too. But I don't know why he worried. I get to be with him either way, and that is good enough for me. There's always going to be something that could get in the way of us being madly and happily in love. I'm glad we don't let something as small as a sleep schedule be one of them. 

Another busy night ahead of that boy, and if he does get a break I think he may want to go get curtain rods finally. We're also desperately in need of a Wal-Mart trip, but we'll see if that happens. It's finally Friday tomorrow which is grocery day for me so I'll probably just wait it out. Yes, probably even if that means we're going on tuna and sun chips for night number three this week! Hey, at least I'm getting my protein.

It's an undercover kind of love.

I don't remember him leaving last night. Levi laid there next to me while I fell asleep. He was on the computer, checking our fantasy scores and whatnot. [Woah, did you know "whatnot" is a real word? I fully expected a little red line under that one! Who knew?] I think I even remember asking him about how my players scored. But this morning when I woke up to him crawling into bed, I had no idea he had ever been gone.

On the list of things in this life that I LOVE? Not remembering him leaving after I fall asleep? It's at the very top.


It's at the very top because it makes me feel close to him. Even if I am sleeping. Somehow, the fact that he's there even after I've drifted off into unconsciousness makes me feel... just close. It's ironic, really. We spend the night touching up the loft together, walking through Lowe's together, making plans and bouncing ideas off of each other, cuddling, talking, eating. Doing everything that all the critics say "builds the relationship". Which it does, of course. Yet, when all is said and done? It's those quiet, unsung things that he does, the things that no one could ever ask someone to do, the things that no one would ever expect to be the foundation of love, it's those things, that confirm to my heart over and over, time and time again, that that boy is the other half of my soul.

You know that list, that you make as a younger girl, the one of "all the things you want in a boy"? Levi is definitely every one of the things on mine, but honestly [no offense, honey] there are probably a lot of guys out there that are. It's all the things that I never would have thought to put on my list. It's all the things that I didn't even realize I wanted, that Levi is. The little details. The little undercover details. Those are what make him, the one.

I know, I know. I never believed in "The One" either. It's just that when you find someone that makes you as happy as Levi makes me? It kind of gets hard to believe that he wasn't made just for you.

Call me a sucker for love. I'm ain't ashamed.

A bold faced lie. Sorta.

That's right, people. I caught Levi in the midst of a bold faced lie yesterday. I had just gotten home from work when it happened. Here's some background. The last couple days I've been a little experimental in the mornings. Trying to see just how quietly I can get a bowl of cereal. I've been conducting said research, because waking Levi up is one of my least favorite things in the world to do, and since we currently sleep in the living room [right next to the kitchen] if I can't do it near-silently, I'll probably stick to the granola bar route. Yesterday, was day one of the experiment, and by the time I had the bowl on the counter Levi was feeling his way to the bathroom. Mission 001: FAIL. Throughout the day I occasionally envisioned rubber bottomed bowls and fur lined silverware to prevent the noise thereof, but mostly I just tried to convince myself that "maybe he was just already awake..." Coincidental timing. Right. It seemed unlikely, but just to make sure I had collected every last piece of data I possibly could, I thought I'd ask the subject himself.

"Hey did I wake you up this morning?"

With a bold face and a tone just a little too nice, "Of course not!"

I look at him with a skeptic eye.

With a little less boldness and a little more chagrined half smile, "Well..."

I saw it right away. He went on to cover up with some sorry excuse about how "he just didn't have his earplugs in yet..." so really it was "his fault anyway" so it's not like "I actually was the one to wake him" so technically the "answer really was no". Uh huh. Nice try, babe. You might as well be invisible because I just saw right through you.

I'd like to be able to tell you that I stuck to my guns and stood strong for all lovers of honesty. That I tackled him to the ground and while pinned made him look me in the eye and tell me straight up just how fully it was I, that woke him.
Unfortunately.
I would then be committing the same crime as he.
Because in all actuality, I'm kind of a sucker for his sweetness.
Somehow, I may have possibly gotten a little caught up in the fact that he wanted so surely to make certain that I didn't feel bad about something that he was willing to suck up his momentary surfacing from the world of slumber and put it all on himself rather than admit to me that I did it. Maybe this lack of honesty is really just all another form of him showing his altruistic ways. Either way, I'm [really not that] sorry to admit that I will still rush home to him today excited to be with that boy all night long, and when I ask him if this morning's experimental bowl of cereal was any less of a wake up call, if he says he didn't budge a single inch, I'll probably just believe him.

I want to go to Lowe's tonight to look at colors for our bedroom [which Levi gave me full designers reign for]. I'm thinking mustard yellow, because I think it'll be fun to throw bright accents on a wall like that. It's a busy work week for Levi but I think I'll make him come with me because I'm just not sure I can do something like that without his opinion! I'm also not sure the Lowe's people would be as nice to me without him.Other than that we'll probably take it easy, we have a stack of movies we need to watch and maybe [since we're super off Criminal Minds for a while after the dreams I had last night, so much for hoping for a dreamless sleep] we'll watch one of those on one of his breaks.We'll see. Nothing big planned. Nothing special. It's just a Tuesday and Tuesday's are really just kind of, there. Mostly, I'll just enjoy being home with him. You know, the norm!

Maybe Linus had it right.

Back to the ol' grind today.
I'm not exactly complaining.
New year and all.
It's like a fresh start. Which is good.
I won't lie though.
I miss the boy!

I miss him because yesterday he said things like, "Hurry home, tomorrow."
I miss him because yesterday I was madly in love with him and I woke up this morning and still am!

Funny, that keeps happening.

I am also aware that to some it may be quite humorous as well, that I can go an entire [three week long] vacation at home, with the boy non-stop, and yet still miss him the minute I leave. Yep. I'm not denying it. I've got it bad, people. When I got home today I pulled into the drive, and the garage started rolling itself up and I sat in the truck as anxious as I was the day he came and kidnapped me from Utah. [Do I really need to tell you? Pretty sure I peed my pants at least three times. If that gives you any idea of the kind of anxiety this girl was experiencing. Oh, and that was before he called to tell me he took a wrong turn five minutes away from my house and had to backtrack. I won't even TRY to explain THOSE five minutes.] I didn't quite pee my pants today, it was just pure excitement! I didn't have anything specific to tell him, I didn't need anything from him, I just wanted to BE with him. Just to feel his presence.

My grandpa's in the hospital right now, on the mend from the removal of a brain tumor. Needless to say, my phone battery, which was full this morning, was practically dead by mid-day just from checking for updates. Today while he was in the actual surgery, I was sitting there watching my cute little one year old's run around with their "nigh-nighs" or blankets. I teased them a little for having to have them with them all the time, and then Levi texted me. Something optimistic about how glad he was they got Grandpa in so quickly and how he was sure it would go fine. Then he asked about my day. As I read the text, my attitude changed. I wasn't so anxious, anymore. I was calm, and all the sudden felt like I could handle it no matter what happened.

I looked at my kids again, holding tight to their nigh-nighs. Then I looked down again at my white knuckles clutching my phone. Then I laughed. I promised the kids I would never tease them about it again, because I realized in that moment, that Levi is my nigh-nigh.

His belief in me instills my own. I swear with that boy by my side, I can do anything.
Even get through the first Monday of the new year.

We got bricks today. We got an entire pallet of bricks and unloaded them into the garage. Which means...it's patio finishing time! Hoorah! We also watched an [unfortunate] and [disgusting] Criminal Minds and I decided I'm quite done with that show for a while. Bring on the nightmares. Fortunately, the boy is good at taking my mind off of things like that and I'm now completely convinced that the girl is actually still alive and happily at home with her husband, a few million dollars richer because she acted in a Criminal Minds episode. Yes, I forget sometimes that it's a TV show. Anyways. Now it's off to bed. With the light on...hopin' for a dreamless night and so glad Levi is oh, so close!

Mirror image.

I like doing a sparkling cider toast on New Years.
[I guess because my family always did.]
Anyway I told the boy this a few days before New Years Eve and made sure to get some, so we could.
When the moment came around, we were running a little late so the boy ran out to get the fire started and asked me to go get the sparkling cider ready.
I smiled as I turned toward the kitchen because I loved that he remembered.
Then when he saw me smile he smiled too and wrapped his arms around me, he laughingly asked, "Or are we supposed to do that together? Am I doing this wrong, babe?"

I couldn't suppress the giggle as I pulled myself away from him.
I think in that moment I fell probably five times harder in love with him.
I think because he was being so adamant about making the evening exactly what I wanted it to be.
He didn't have to, you know.
He had flossed too hard the night before and his head was killing him [I think a lot more than he was letting on, to be honest].
I would have fully understood, if he wanted to lay down, and get some early rest.
But he didn't.

A few weeks ago, before my winter work break, I went to bed earlier than Levi, as usual. But this time he came down and fell asleep next to me. An hour and a half later though I woke up worrying about him sleeping with his contacts in. So I got up and got a drink, which in the meantime woke him up, and he asked me why I was awake. I told him. He smiled gave me a kiss and told me he loved how "altruistic" I was.

Huh?

I had no idea what that meant, but he got up, so I went back to sleep and didn't think anything of it until later in the afternoon the next day. At which point, I looked it up.


ALTRUISM: Unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others.

Honey, look in the mirror.